A crisp, clean breeze whispered through the trees. A recent springtime snowfall had dampened the ground. But signs of new life were courageously emerging across the woodlands. Our family loves visiting the park together. Our children enjoy the trails, swings, slides, and freedom to run around like hyperactive kittens.
As we journeyed down a paved path, our six-year-old daughter Everlynn began happily skipping along.
“Hudson,” she chirped. “Do you want to skip with me?”
“Uh, ok, Everlynn,” he replied with a bit of distraction in his voice.
Hudson gave skipping a scout’s try but quickly resorted to a wobbly side-gallop. As Michael and I watched our nine-year-old son struggle to perform a basic motor skill, the evidence began to sink in yet again.
Hudson is unique. He isn’t like other average nine year olds. In some ways he surpasses the norm, but in other ways he clearly carves his own difficult trail. His awkward half-skip motions turned to frustration as his little sister sped right by him. This scenario is becoming quite familiar in other areas of life like tying shoes, riding a bike, crafting art, etc.
Many people tell me we are wrong for labeling Hudson with a diagnosis of ASD/ADHD, setting up an Individualized Education Plan (IEP), and joining support groups. We have also heard that we are crippling his future or glossing over the evidence of our lack of parenting skills.
Michael and I often wonder if Hudson’s unique struggles were caused by him contracting Pertussis at just three weeks old. Our beautiful son spent 11 days at Children’s Medical Center of Dallas and went code blue five times (read about it HERE). He pulled through with tremendous tenacity and has been incredibly healthy ever since.
But we wonder, as only parents can do…
Crossing the Rubicon
Until we put Hudson into public school in 2015, I felt like a complete failure as a mom. I tried every parenting method recommended to me. No matter what I did it never worked. The shame accompanying comments from people about how we were doing a terrible job as Hudson’s parents was intense.
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What is autism spectrum disorder? Autism is an “all-encompassing, neurological, and developmental condition” that affects about 1-3% of any given population.[1]
What does all-encompassing, neurological, and developmental mean? All-encompassing means that autism affects pretty much every part of my son Hudson – his personality, his experiences, how he thinks, how he moves, and how he communicates. Neurological means that Hudson’s brain functions differently than other neurotypical or non-autistic people. He also processes sensory inputs such as sounds, visuals, touch, taste, and smell differently than other neurotypical or non-autistic people. Developmental means that ASD is often detected in early childhood, continues in the development process and, in varying degrees, affects the individual throughout his or her lifespan.[2] Autism is not something you can catch like a flu or cold. Autism is not a disease that you can contract or transmit to others.
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Michael and I believe the earth is beautiful yet broken. We know deep within ourselves that everything is not the way it should be. The apostle Paul wrote, “For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now” (Romans 8:21). Erosion, war, disease, violence, abuse, storms, famine, and suffering of all sorts fills us with a longing for Eden restored. And one day we know God will make “all the sad things come untrue,” as Sally Lloyd-Jones so eloquently phrased it.
Yet on the other hand, we also believe God is sovereign over our Hudson and that He is working out a beautiful plan to mold us into people of love, grace, and hope. God formed Hudson in the womb and designed him as a good and wonderful gift to us (see Psalm 139:13; Jeremiah 1:5; Galatians 1:15). Hudson is a super kid, yet with a different way of processing the world around him. God loves him and so do we.
Several years ago, we realized denying Hudson the help he so desperately needed was far more crippling to him than finally letting go of our pride. Once we accepted help and the “label” of autism (plus his other challenges of ADHD and OCD), a whole new life began. I cannot begin to share how much his teachers have invested in us. They have loved him very much and accepted him just the way he is. We couldn’t do this without them or our amazing church, which supports and encourages us.
Our son is more than a label. He isn’t “less than”. He is Hudson William who is strong in spirit and stronger than many adults I know. He has many daily struggles that seem to be set on persistent replay. However, we see the battles he fights and wins too. You can read about one of those here: New Paint.
Win Some, Lose Some
People who don’t live with him only see glimpses and it can seem like we are just being dramatic, however, we know our son more than anyone else.
We have experienced some pretty amazing wins and many losses. The wins outweigh the losses. The wins include Hudson becoming a follower of Jesus, learning to read, realizing he is very smart, and meeting some amazing teachers and friends.
We have experienced worry over uncertainties about Hudson’s future, frustration over not knowing how to help him, loneliness in feeling we’re the only ones going through this, struggling with judgment over his various behaviors, and anxiety in trying to find Hudson accommodations to improve his school experience.
We have put vacations on hold, avoided going out on day trips, and ended up staying home a lot. We are hoping this continues to change for our family.
We aren’t putting him into a box by admitting he is different. We are just changing our perception of how he experiences life. Autism has not only changed the direction of our lives as his parents, but it has opened a whole new world for us in the direction of compassion and hopes for special needs inclusion in the Church.
We hope and pray every person who meets him will be able to do the same thing and accept him for who he is. I believe he was created in the image of God. Hudson is a very loved and important part of the body of Christ.
Autism awareness isn’t silly or unneeded. It’s vital and necessary. Just because we know something of autism does not mean we cannot learn more about it or from the people who live with it. We try to learn from others on a regular basis on this journey too!
What is God teaching me through this journey?
I’m learning deeper reliance on God for wisdom, strength, and patience. I’m discovering how to more intentionally care for myself, so that I’m healthy enough to be the best Mama I can be for Hudson and my other two wonderful children. You can’t serve and love with an empty cup.
Knowledge is power. Different isn’t bad, it’s just different. In fact, different is good too!
Love, learn, accept, and listen. You have no idea how it will knock your socks off!
Blessings,
Stephanie
