We all love the feeling of anticipation about a long-awaited day. We look forward to exciting things happening as we circle items on our calendars. We count down the hours by crossing off the finished days each night. We have hope in our waiting.
The only due date I don’t like, however, is the one marked for a baby that will never come.
The baby who left many months ago.
The baby whom most may have forgotten, but who will never leave our hearts.
The baby that my kids still ask me about.
The baby who was very wanted and loved.
Today is one of those due dates for me. I am so very grateful for my three living children and love them dearly. But they will never replace or negate our six children in heaven.
Someday I will see them again, but here on earth I will always love, grieve, and miss their presence with us. My heart hurts tonight. That’s the raw, sincere, and honest truth.
My arms are not empty, but tonight they do feel lonesome for the sweet baby who should have been cradled there. ❤️
Here are some healing words of truth from a sister on this same journey:
“When you feel pulled back into grief it doesn’t mean you are going backwards. Grief is like a spiral—you can spiral up or spiral down. Just when we think life is feeling a little more normal, it can sneak up and hit us like a heat wave. And you may feel it today in great measure. Or you may not. Either way, know this: you can continue to grow forward.
In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matt 5:4). Friend, we are not blessed because we mourn—that’s not the blessing. We are blessed because in our mourning we can experience God’s comfort. So may you feel the warm embrace of his comfort today. May you know God’s blessing in the midst of your pain.” ~ Adriel Booker
Dedicated to baby Lyric.
Due April 24, 2019.
Went to heaven September 1, 2019.
